Faith

8 Simple Ways to Love and Encourage Your Husband

November 14, 2016 • 45 Comments

We walked out of the grocery store hand-in-hand, but as we reached the car my husband let go and headed for the driver’s seat. For what felt like the thousandth time, he hadn’t opened the door for me. I stopped where he’d let go of my hand and waited in disappointment for him to turn around.

He looked back and smiled at me. “What, sweetie?”

“Well … it’s just that … you never open the door for me anymore, and I really, really like that,” I said, staring awkwardly at the ground before continuing. “Do you remember our first official date? Do you know how I knew you were the one?”

“How?” he asked.

“Because you opened every single door for me. The movie theatre door, the car door, the door to Steak ‘n’ Shake. Every single door.”

Now, all of this might sound silly to you, but having my husband open the door for me is a big reminder of how much he loves and cares for me. It makes me feel special, treasured and secure. That’s why I was saddened in the grocery store parking lot, because he had stopped showing love to me in this way.

It’s one thing to say we love our husband, but it’s another thing to show our love.

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But the door swings both ways. And later that night, we talked about the ways that I’d stopped being a lover and encourager for him too.

Falling in love is sensational, magical and sweet. But staying in love and cultivating a strong marriage — that’s something that takes work. As husbands and wives, we can’t just go through the motions of daily life and expect our relationships to grow deeper. We have to show up, roll up our sleeves, put our spouses first and actively demonstrate our love.

Dear sisters, if we are to be imitators of Christ and godly wives, we have to move from having an “I’ mindset to having a “we” mindset. In the heat of the moment, when life is busy, stressful or frustrating, we have to commit to choosing selflessness over selfishness and loving our man with everything we’ve got.

It’s easy to think about and dwell on the ways that we want to be loved and encouraged better: open the car door for me, tell me I’m beautiful, buy me flowers, surprise me with candles and a bottle of wine, take me out to dinner, dance with me under the stars. The hard part of marriage is to put loving and encouraging our husband into practice.

But there’s hope for us all, and all we have to do is commit to making an effort. So, if you’re wondering how to encourage your husband better, here are eight ways to get started (eight ways that are husband approved, I should add!):

Write a note.

Whenever my husband leaves to go on a business trip, I always leave him a note in the morning letting him know that I will miss him and that I hope he has safe travels. Notes are a tangible way to show love and, in the digital world we live in, they are so rare and valuable. Surprise your man by leaving a note on the mirror, refrigerator, or in his lunch box or car. A note is worth 1,000 hugs.

Say thank you.

I know, this one sounds so simple, but if you honestly stop and think about it, how often do you thank your husband? If you’re like me, probably not as often as you should. Thanking him for the big and little things — taking out the trash, cleaning the dog, helping fold laundry, surprising you with a gift — shows him that he is appreciated.

Tell him why you love him, and remind him often.

When we first fall in love, we make a point to tell someone why we love them, and we don’t let them forget about it, either. But after “I do,” some of us stop reminding our spouse that we’re still madly in love with them.

Wherever you are, I want you to take out a piece of paper right now and write down the first 10 things that come to mind when you think about why you love your husband. Maybe it’s his smile, or the way he takes care of you. Maybe it’s his work ethic, or his tender heart. Whatever those reasons are, make a point to remind him of those reasons a couple of times a week.Read More

Be-YOU-tiful {Just Be Yourself}

November 7, 2016 • 26 Comments

You know those moments when you can truly sense someone’s unconditional love for you? My husband has given me many moments like these, and there’s one in particular that I’ll never forget.

In January 2013, when I was in college, I contracted the worse stomach bug I’ve had in my entire life. (I will spare you the not-so-glamorous details.) After hours of being sick, he stayed by my side throughout the entire night. It didn’t matter how horrible I looked, or how loopy or lethargic I became, because in that moment, all that mattered was that I was still conscious — still the Lauren he knew and loved.

Three years later, as we battle my health problems together, my husband continues to be a constant support, companion, lover and friend. For this and so much more, he’s one of those people that I feel like I can truly be myself around. No matter what. I don’t have to put up a guard. I don’t have to put on an act. I don’t have to present myself all prim and proper in his presence. I can just be me. I can let my guard down, make funny faces, say silly things and live completely free.

It’s not that I don’t feel like I can be myself with the people I work with or run into at the grocery store. But the truth is they don’t know the whole story. They don’t know the real Lauren. And so that makes it hard to be totally real with them.

We can be true to ourselves in our workplaces and communities, but if we lack deep relationships that allow us to fully bring our guards down, our spirits will suffocate.

We all need people in our lives who know our story and know the real us.

We all need people in our lives who know our story and know the real us. #relationships

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Whether it’s being able to express our opinions openly, be silly or just be plain vulnerable, having people who respect and deeply know us gives us a safe place to live, rest and breathe. When the world gets heavy, and the other people in our life don’t seem to care, these kinds of relationships lift the weight off of our shoulders and help us forget about whatever is consuming our minds.

But there’s another place where we can freely experience this level of intimacy. A place that is always there — constant, stable and firm. And that place is found in a relationship with Jesus Christ.

In Matthew 11:28, Jesus says “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” Jesus offers us a place to live, rest and breathe. A place that’s even more rejuvenating than the places we find ourselves in with our loved ones. A safe haven where it doesn’t matter if we look or speak properly, it just matters that we are His — the person he created, knows and loves.

We can be ourselves with Jesus — we don’t have to put on an act.

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With God, Dreams Come True

October 31, 2016 • 52 Comments

This will probably come as no surprise to you, but I’m a total library and bookstore nerd. I love the smell, look and feel of books. I could spend hours walking through the aisles of bookshelves and never get bored.

With God, Dreams Come True — Nothing Is Impossible

When my husband and I lived in Minnesota, our house was five minutes from both the library and Barnes and Noble. This was both a beautiful and dangerous gift, if you know what I mean. It was beautiful because literary heaven was only a short drive away, but it was dangerous because … well … who can go into a bookstore without buying a book?

I often stopped by these places to decompress after work, or have a place to write without distractions on the weekend.

One day after work I lost track of time, and after an hour of browsing at the library, I ended up with five books in my hands. OK, Lauren. There’s no way you have time to read all of these. Just pick one. I said to myself. I look down at the books and the title of one held my attention. The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society, it read.

They say you can’t judge a book by its cover, but at first glance something was telling me to take this book home. Maybe it was the interesting name. Maybe it was because I was hungry and mashed potatoes sounded delicious. Regardless of the reason, I checked the book out and drove home.

The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society ended up being an entertaining and witty read. Let’s just say I made the right choice. But the thing I admired most about the story was not the humor or the intricate plot, but the story behind the story.

In the afterword, the book shares a few details about the author, Mary Ann Shaffer. You’ve probably never heard of her, but I think we all can learn something from Mary Ann.

Born in West Virginia, Mary Ann spent much of her life working in some of California’s public libraries. She also worked at Harper & Row, which has since been acquired by HarperCollins Publishers. When Mary Ann first joined Harper & Row, she was a receptionist, but by the time she reached the height of her service there, she had advanced to the editor’s chair.

Her career was no doubt inspiring. But as I continued to read, I discovered something even more moving about Mary Ann — her life-long dream was to someday “write a book that someone would like enough to publish.”

You might read this and think, Oh, isn’t that sweet that someone actually got to see their dream come true. But here’s the thing: Mary Ann didn’t sign her first book contract — the contract for The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie — until she was 72. That means she waited seven decades for her dream to come true.

Can you imagine waiting seven decades for your dream to come true? I don’t know about you, but this encourages me in so many ways. It encourages me to keep being patient and trust God’s plan, as His Word commands. It encourages me to keep walking by faith (2 Corinthians 5:7). It encourages me to be thankful for what God has done and is doing (Hebrews 12:28-29).

If a woman can wait 72 years for a dream to come true, certainly I can wait on God’s timing for the dreams and passions He’s placed in my heart.

God gave you passions and dreams for a reason. He’s not going to let them go to waste.

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Mary Ann actually passed away before her book was published (and reached the number one position on the New York Times Bestseller List for paperback trade fiction) … but even though she didn’t live to see her dream come true, God didn’t waste it, and Mary Ann has left a legacy for years to come.

It's Never Too Late

It’s never too late for a dream to come true, and nothing is wasted with our God.

It’s never too late for a dream to come true, and nothing is wasted with our God.

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Therefore, my dear brothers, be steadfast, unmovable, always excelling in the work of the Lord, because you know that the work that you do for the Lord isn’t wasted. {1 Corinthians 15:58}

As a young writer who’s on the cusp of getting her first book published, Mary Ann’s story inspires me. It shows me that dreams can and do eventually come to life. We just have to walk by faith, be obedient and trust in the One who put those dreams in our hearts in the first place.

Our dreams might not come true on our time table and it might be hard to leave everything in God’s hands, but His timing is perfect.

It’s easy to give up on things.

We tell ourselves we’ve missed the boat or it will never happen for us.

We tell ourselves: “That’s nice that she gets to live out her dream, but mine is never going to come true.”

We tell ourselves things are too far out of our reach. But they aren’t, because anything is possible with God.

Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” {Matthew 19:26}

No one and nothing is ever too far gone or without a second chance. This goes for both our dreams and our lives. We may face roadblocks, storms and other hardships but anything is possible. Mary Ann is just one of the millions of examples of this truth. With God all things are possible. Be encouraged and assured of that today, dear friend.

No one and nothing is ever too far gone or without a second chance.

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What dreams are you currently pursuing? How is God working in and through that process?

7 Verses for When You Feel All Alone

October 24, 2016 • 25 Comments

I hadn’t even started unpacking my suitcase yet from our trip visiting family in Indiana, and he was already getting ready to head out the door again.

“I don’t want you to go,” I cried. “Please, can I just come with you?”

My husband looked at me with a sadness I’ve only seen a handful of times in our marriage. “Sweetie,” he said. “I wish you could. You know I do. But you also know you can’t.”

He was right. I had a job to go to and a dog to take care of. But that didn’t stop the loneliness from creeping in whenever he left to go on a business trip. And it certainly didn’t stop the tears or sleepless nights from coming.

It’s funny — I’ve always been a very independent woman. The kind of woman who traveled to live in far-off places for internships. The kind of woman who worked diligently to become the editor and chief of her campus magazine. The kind of woman who planned a wedding 100% on her own. And yet, since I’ve been married, I repeatedly struggle with loneliness when my husband has to travel for work. It’s something I remember experiencing when I was younger. Back when I wondered if anyone cared about or actually noticed me. I don’t wonder those same kind of thoughts anymore, but what I’m realizing is that even though I am highly independent and know that I am loved and valued, I just don’t like to be alone. Because I have found that the opportune moment for the enemy to strike is when I’m all alone.

A fellow Christian writer recently wrote that the ache of loneliness can be so intense that it immobilizes us and keeps us stuck in our sadness. And she’s right. The chains of loneliness are one of the enemy’s go-to weapons. His desire is for us to feel abandoned. His desire is for us to feel forgotten. His desire is for us to feel like we’ll never escape our past. His desire is for us to feel like things are pointless or hopeless. But none of those feelings are Biblical.

The honest me will admit that, no, I don’t like to be alone. There’s a part of me — a part of my past — that fears the silence. And there’s parts of my past and present that God is still redeeming and healing. But if I had to guess, I think God gave me a traveling husband for a little while so that I could practice claiming His truths and taking shots at the enemy. So that I can learn to rely on Him and Him alone. It’s painful, but no doubt needed.

So amid the dreaded goodbyes and tear-stained cheeks, I’m making a choice. A choice to embrace the lonely nights as a chance to dive deeper into the Word. Deeper into my Father’s arms. Deeper into the truth. Deeper in grace, love and wholeness.

In our loneliness we can either let the enemy win, or we can claim God’s truths over our lives.

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Introducing Finding Joy Ladies Night Out! {+ An October Bonus Episode with Alison Tiemeyer}

October 19, 2016 • 9 Comments

Remember how I said God was on the move at the site launch party just a few weeks ago?

Well, He’s on the move in more ways than one, and today I’m so excited to unveil something God put on my heart several months ago. Back in August, I was scrolling through my newsfeed on Facebook, and I noticed one of my fellow podcasters was doing a live event in her city. Beyond my initial reactions of, “That sounds so cool!” and “I bet that everyone is going to have an amazing time!” the Holy Spirit interrupted my thoughts. You should doing something like that here in Des Moines, Lauren, the voice said.

I chuckled at the ridiculous thought and kept scrolling. As if I had time to do something like that …

One month later, the Lord kept putting signs and messages in my path to reiterate the fact that He wanted me to do a live podcast event here in Des Moines. This wasn’t just some silly idea I put in your head, Lauren, I could hear Him say to me. I actually want you to do this. And better yet, I’ll help you.

After this undeniable encounter with the Lord, I couldn’t shy away from the idea any longer. And so, it is my pleasure to announce to you that, by the grace of God, I will be hosting a Finding Joy live podcast event we are calling Finding Joy Ladies Night Out in the Des Moines metro area on December 9 from 6-8:30 p.m.!

There are so many reasons not to choose joy in the world we live in. And yet because of Jesus Christ, there are so many reasons to choose joy, and we are reminded of that this Christmas season.

That’s why I’m hosting this live event — to remind us all of the JOY that has been given to us through the birth, death and resurrection of our Savior.

I have an incredible list of guest speakers who will be joining me for the event:

Jennifer Dukes Lee, author of “The Happiness Dare”
Mary Carver, author of “Choose Joy”
Kimberly Stuart, author of “Balancing Act,” “Operation Bonnett,” and more.
Julie Lefebure, writer at the Loving God, Loving Others blog
Jen Green, radio personality at Life 107.1 FM Des Moines

If you live in the Des Moines area, I’d love to see your beautiful face at the event! Dinner is included and you can get ticket and event info here.

Even if you don’t live in Des Moines, I’d love to see your beautiful face on the LIVE Facebook stream that I will be hosting from my author Facebook page. You can even prayerfully consider purchasing a ticket anyways as a donation to help me cover the costs of the event. Just write “DONATION” in the name box. It’s going to be a fun and amazing night! OK, now on to today’s bonus podcast episode.

Finding Joy is a podcast dedicated to bringing you encouragement and inspiration in all of life’s moments — the good, bad and everything in-between.

Alison Tiemeyer is our guest for the 18th episode of the Finding Joy podcast, which also happens to be a bonus episode for this month! As many of you know, due to the other obligations I have outside of this blog, I only publish a new podcast episode every other week. It is my hope and prayer as the Lord calls me deeper into ministry that eventually I will be able to post a new episode every week! You can be praying for this, too!Read More

She Believes and Everything Changes

October 17, 2016 • 41 Comments

Hey friend! Before you read this blog, I’d love to personally invite you to the She Found Joy Retreat that I am hosting in Spruce Pine, NC from July 19-21, 2024. Learn more and apply online. If you’re looking for refreshment in your faith journey and longing to experience fresh joy and healing among a company of faith-filled women, this retreat is for you, and I would love to meet you there! Love, Lauren Gaskill

With two hands, I touched the pool ledge and quickly lifted my head to look at the clock, smiling with delight over what I saw. I’d hit a 12-second split and had 18 more glorious seconds before I needed to push off to swim my next 25-yard butterfly sprint. But this was the first of 50 laps, and I knew not all of them were going to be this easy.

With Christmas just a few weeks away, our team was at the peak of high school season training. If you’ve ever known a swimmer, you know that this is when practices can make someone want to hang up their cap and goggles for good.

Halfway into the series of 25-yard sprints, I began to feel discouraged. Maybe I can’t finish this set. Maybe I won’t break that school record after all. I thought to myself. Then I looked up at the team banner hanging below the record board. It read:

Dream. Believe. Achieve.

Our coach loved these three words … so much that he made them our team motto. Almost every day he reminded us that in order to achieve great things and live the kind of life you want to live, you have to first dream and believe.

We can’t get to where we want to be — or be who we were created to be — if at first we don’t believe what God says about who we are and who we were created to be.

There was a time in my life when I didn’t believe God’s word for my life. I believed in God, I just found it hard to believe what God had to say about me.

He called me lovely — more precious than rubies (Proverbs 3:15), adored, treasured and worth dying for. I called my self broken, not good enough, pathetic and helpless.

He said He had a beautiful plan for my life (Jeremiah 29:11). I said my life was destined to be miserable.

He said I didn’t have to worry about a single thing (Philippians 4:6). I said that worrying was my middle name.

You can imagine I wasn’t the most positive person to be around in this particular season of life. But that all changed the day I finally chose to believe God’s word for my life. Like a hurricane, His love came crashing into me one day, and suddenly I realized that I could believe God because He was good. Not only was He good but in 1 John I saw that He was love. This changed everything for me.

So we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him. -1 John 4:16 ESV

I learned that I could also believe God because His Word said I could believe Him. Luke 1:37 tells us that no word from God will ever fail.

Suddenly I saw myself through His eyes. I saw that He really did love me — flaws and all. And for the first time, my soul felt like it could fly.

It was like going from living a black and white life to living a life in technicolor. Believing God brought color and new life into my world.

On Oct. 4, 2016, I drove to Missouri to attend the Designed for Life (DFL) Conference after receiving an invitation from the conference’s founder, Debbie Lindell. The conference has a different theme every year, and the 2016 theme, She Believes, felt like it was created just for me.

There is power in believing God. There is blessing in believing God. In Luke 1:45 we are told that “blessed is she who has believed that the Lord would fulfill his promises to her.” In Mark 9:23 we learn “everything is possible for one who believes.” Believing changes everything.

Back in high school, the second I chose to believe I could finish that grueling swim set, I knew deep down that I was going to finish — no matter what. And with that same attitude and determination, the second I chose to believe God for my life, I knew that I was going to be alright — no matter what. Because God loved me, and because of His love and goodness I could trust Him with my life. Maybe at one point, you’ve had an encounter that inspired you to believe that, too.

The reality is, life gets busy, and sometimes we forget or grow weary of believing God’s promises, don’t we? When life gets hard, we start to think maybe His promises, goodness and blessings are reserved for other people. When we watch the news headlines reel across our screen, we figure He has bigger fish to fry.

Dear sisters, this is what I want to tell you today: Don’t stop believing — not only who you are in Christ, but also who your Father is. God calls you by name, and He is able to do the impossible in and through you.

Once I arrived at the DFL Conference, I knew why God had wanted me to be there. He wanted me there because He wanted to strengthen my faith and confirm in my heart what He’d been asking me to believe: that He is still the God of miracles; that I will see healing manifest from all of the physical challenges I’ve faced; and that His timing really is perfect.

I don’t know what God is asking you to believe in this season of life you’re in, but I know one step is all it takes to build your faith. And you can take that one step right here, right now.Read More

Faith

Write a note.

Say thank you.

Tell him why you love him, and remind him often.

In our loneliness we can either let the enemy win, or we can claim God’s truths over our lives.

There are so many reasons not to choose joy in the world we live in. And yet because of Jesus Christ, there are so many reasons to choose joy, and we are reminded of that this Christmas season.

Dream. Believe. Achieve.

We can’t get to where we want to be — or be who we were created to be — if at first we don’t believe what God says about who we are and who we were created to be.

Dear sisters, this is what I want to tell you today: Don’t stop believing — not only who you are in Christ, but also who your Father is. God calls you by name, and He is able to do the impossible in and through you.