What’s the worst thing you’ve ever been called?
Worthless? Ugly? Annoying? Fat? A loudmouth? Dork? Idiot? Loser? Can you remember a time when someone’s words cut deep into your heart and hurt you a little bit? I can. The year was 2007 and I was a flat-chested middle schooler with braces, wavy hair and glasses. Even though I was one of the top swimmers on our club team (which made me semi-cool), I also played the oboe in band, which made me somewhat of a geek. Having good grades and winning the school spelling bee didn’t help my social status much either.
I was — and still am thanks to my dad’s genetics — a tiny little thing. Never mind the fact I pounded down almost as much pizza, hamburgers, fries and ice cream as the boys at lunch … Kids didn’t pay attention to that. On top of being called a “dork,” “geek,” and “smarty pants,” I was called other things things like “anorexic,” “bulimic,” “twig girl,” etc.
At the time my classmates’ words didn’t bother me much, but I felt their impact two years later when as a freshman, I grew a little bit, started wearing contacts and got my braces removed. Almost instantly people treated me differently … and for a brief period of time I was relieved. But then to my surprise, something strange happened. Even though my classmates stopped teasing me, I was the names I had been called in middle school crept up on my conscience, and I was overtaken with insecurity. Even with a more shapely body and no braces I felt like I had to from that moment on, prove that I wasn’t that dorky, twig girl people thought I was in middle school. So I started straightening my hair, putting more makeup on, and wearing the brands of clothes that the popular kids wore. I was still the same old Lauren inside, but new and improved on the outside.
Words cut deep
We can shake them off or pretend like they don’t matter, but words still impact us. The impact could take place immediately or several years down the road, but words have a way of getting under our skin and effecting our sense of belonging and identity. Unless we put up a fight.
I’m not going to lie, there’s still a small part of me that occasionally feels like it has something to prove — like I need to be put together on the outside every minute of every day. But on the other hand, the older I get the more I’m learning to care less about what others think and more about what God thinks.
God Looks at the Heart
So what does God care about? Does He care if we wear designer jeans or fit into a size 2? Certainly not. God cares more about the condition of our heart. We see this in 1 Samuel 16:7, when the LORD tells Samuel: “The Lord doesn’t see things the way you see them. People judge by outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart” (NLT).
As sons and daughters of God, when words cut deep we need to remember 1) who we belong to and 2) what really matters. People can call us whatever nasty names they want, but the truth is we are beloved, forgiven and free in the eyes of our Father, and that changes everything.
You have nothing to prove to this world — other than your testimony as a follower of Jesus Christ. You don’t have to prove you are beautiful, because God already says you are (Psalm 139:14). You don’t have to prove you are treasured, because the Bible proclaims it to be true (1 Peter 2:9).
Understanding and believing these things truly changes how we live. At least I know it changed how I live. You see the moment I understood God’s opinion was the only one that truly mattered … it’s like the weight to impress other people was suddenly lifted off my shoulders. Like I said before, there is still a small part of me that sometimes feels insecure, but I think that’s part of what it means to be human. And I also think that’s where the beauty of Christ comes in. Christ enables us to be free and shake off the chains of others’ hurtful words and opinions. Isn’t that such a beautiful thing?
Such good words to remind me that what ultimately matters is how I measure up with God. Thankful for His grace today, communicate through your words!
Hi Michele! I am so glad these words could touch your heart today. Blessings to you!
This is so good!! I think people are using words more and more to tear others apart. I know I’ve experienced the pain of it, and really try to watch myself. Thank you for reminding me that my worth is in HIM not other’s lies or opinions <3
Yes, it’s sad but true. The enemy wants us to compete with one another and tear each other down with words … But our job is to speak the truth — not just to the world but to ourselves, too.
Great post! This is a great reminder because the negative things that others say often stay in our heads and haunt us. I am so glad that what others see does not matter and that God sees me!
Thanks for being a part of the conversation, Shakeira! I hope you are having a wonderful day!
Words of wisdom. Thanks for the encouragement ♥
summerdaisy.net
You are most welcome, Summer! Blessings to you!
Yes! I feel it all boils down to knowing who we are in Christ. The enemy like to steal that knowledge and trust. Let’s lift each other up in this!
Amen! I’m with you Starla!
Thank you for this reminder. It’s so easy to get caught up in trying to impress people instead of God.
GREAT JOB, LAUREN. I COULDN’T BE MORE PROUD OF YOUR SPIRITUAL DEVELOPMENT! BLESS YOU, GIRL!
Steve
PS – I was the pastor of your Dad and Mom for quite a few years (Church of the Living Word).
Hi Steve! Of course I remember you! Thanks so much for stopping by the blog. 🙂 I appreciate your kind words and support, and I hope you and the whole Swihart family are doing well.
Ah, I definitely had my fair share of bullies growing up. I am so glad to have known Christ so early on, because I knew that His love for me kept me going. It was a pivotal moment in my life when I first accepted Christ in my life during the time when I felt the least loved and most insecure.
I’m so sorry to hear that you had to experience bullying growing up. But what a comfort and joy to have the Lord during those times! Blessings to you, dear. 🙂
it’s not who we are – it’s WHOSE we are… 🙂
Good thing I read this this morning. A saleswoman came into our office just as we were going out to the car to go to lunch. Naturally we had to go back inside. As I was retreating to my own office she said to your grandpa, “Is that your mother?” Grrrrr! I turned around and said, “Sometimes.” Surely didn’t think I looked THAT old. Words do hurt even when they are not meant to. Anyway, I’m a daughter of the King, not my husband’s mother.
Oh dear! I’m telling you sometimes people just don’t think before they speak! 🙁 I’m so sorry you had to endure her comments. Sounds like you handled it with grace and truth. You are beautiful!
I recently had a similar conversation with my son after a “friend” made a pretty nasty comment to him. The words didn’t hurt as much as they fact that he thought this person really cared for him. I’m so glad that we have an Audience of One and that His view is the one we can prize above all others…and that He loves us no matter what. Great encouragement, Lauren.
Oh Tiffany, I feel for your dear son. Hurtful words from someone we think is a friend can be even more detrimental to us. But you are right, what joy we have in knowing that God’s view of us is the one that truly matters! <3
I remember some unkind things from middle school. Even kindergarten. But fortunately, God’s words have been more powerful in my mind and even liberated me from being so worried about others’ opinions. Their opinions change so much, it’s hard to keep up with them. Thanks for the reminder that God’s opinion counts the most!
What a work God has done in you, Katy! He is so gracious in liberating us from the chains that can entangle us. Have a blessed day!
This is SUCH a good reminder, Lauren! I really needed to hear these words today. Thank you for sharing your personal experiences! xoxoxo
Glad this post could speak to you this morning, Sarah! Blessings to you and have a wonderful day!
Great post, Lauren! Very uplifting and from the heart. I think we have all been called vile names, and while we may pretend they don’t hurt… of course they do. At least if you are human they do. As I get older I care less and less what other people think, and more about what I think about MYSELF. But if someone was to walk up to me and call me fat, my feelings would be hurt. I wish we would all stop labeling each other, and only judge each other for our hearts and whats within. Unfortunately, that will probably never happen. But, you are right, what matters is that we ARE loved by at least one. Him. 😉 Thanks for the smile, my dear! Cheers! xoxo
I was the same way in middle school, so I totally get this! Such a beautiful post, as always.
Middle school can be so rough! Glad we have a God who can redeem all of the yucky stuff we encounter. Have a wonderful day Julie and thanks for stopping by! <3
Yes, Lauren…and this is SUCH an important conversation. Nearly 40, I can still remember certain words spoken to me that truly changed what I believed to be true about myself. Still working on remembering what God says about me is true, not what some kid said in meanness. Here’s to caring less what people think & caring more what God thinks! Thanks for this good word today.
Dearest Angela, I am praying right now for the Lord to continue to bring healing to those deep wounds. Keep surrounding yourself with truth and stay rooted in His word, dear friend! You are beautiful. You are loved. You are HIS. And no words can take that away from you! <3
Lauren, what a post! I love this! We can all identify with this on some level. Never good enough. Lost in what others think of us. Driven by a need to fit in. This is a great word for teenagers. It’s so interesting to me that much of this takes place in the most formative years of our lives- when we are learning who we are. It is so important for our kids (and us) to know who God says they (we) are!! Sharing this post with friends…. Thanks for being transparent and authentic today. Linking up at #LiveFreeThursday
Such a motivating and feel-good post! I had a bit of a rough week this week and I reminded myself: you are not the opinion of others. And when something doesn’t work out or someone doesn’t see your value, it’s their loss and a bullet dodged for me. I think it’s so important for us to know who we are and what we love about ourselves- we can never stop others from formulating their opinions about ourselves, but we can certainly remind ourselves what we already know! xo
Such wise words!
Such a fresh and nice reminder of having a more positive mindset towards ourselves instead of being so self-critical and self-deprecating. Thanks for such an inspiring post!
Great post Lauren! My daughter is a 4 time all-American sprinter and in middle school she was teased for the same reasons you were. She’s now a teacher and doesn’t allow bullying in her class. Kids love her. You are right though about tags and insecurity. I have to remind myself occasionally that I’m in charge of my thoughts.