Who likes conflict? My guess is none of you reading this are raising your hands right now. I’m not raising mine either.
I believe most people are inherently kind (to an extent, at least). We all want to make people happy. We try our best not to upset anyone. And yet, while there’s nothing wrong with wanting to be nice to people, when we look at scripture we see that we are not called to simply be nice. We are called to love, serve and engage in conflict.
It’s one thing to be nice — it’s another thing to be like Jesus.
I’m not a huge people pleaser but I take delight in making people feel good and welcome. Sometimes that means doing whatever I can not to offend them, or just avoiding them altogether so things don’t become uncomfortable.
I am quick to shy away from conflict because I just want everyone to be happy. But running away from conflict isn’t being the hands of feet and Jesus. And tiptoeing around the people we cross paths with isn’t loving and serving them with everything that we have.
Jesus didn’t run away from conflict. Even if it meant potentially offending someone, His courage to speak up and speak the truth in love saved entire generations of people.
In Mark 2 1:1-12 we see Jesus come into conflict with a few teachers of the law in Capernaum.
Verse 2 tells us that when Jesus again entered the village, “people gathered in such large numbers that there was no room left, not even outside the door, and he preached the word to them.”
Verses 3-12 go on to say: Some men came, bringing to him a paralyzed man, carried by four of them. Since they could not get him to Jesus because of the crowd, they made an opening in the roof above Jesus by digging through it and then lowered the mat the man was lying on. When Jesus saw their faith, he said to the paralyzed man, ‘Son, your sins are forgiven.’ Now some teachers of the law were sitting there, thinking to themselves, “Why does this fellow talk like that? He’s blaspheming! Who can forgive sins but God alone?”
Immediately Jesus knew in his spirit that this was what they were thinking in their hearts, and he said to them, ‘Why are you thinking these things? Which is easier: to say to this paralyzed man, ‘Your sins are forgiven,’ or to say, ‘Get up, take your mat and walk’? But I want you to know that the Son of Man has authority on earth to forgive sins.’ So he said to the man, ‘I tell you, get up, take your mat and go home.’ He got up, took his mat and walked out in full view of them all. This amazed everyone and they praised God, saying, ‘We have never seen anything like this!’”
Can you imagine how uncomfortable it must have been for Jesus to hear the teachers of the law saying these kinds of insults? Let’s be real: If I were Jesus in that moment, I probably would have just ignored them and internalized my thoughts. I might have even tried to find an escape route somewhere.
But Jesus doesn’t run away. Even though people were talking bad about Him, He showed compassion on them by revealing the truth about who He was and what He came to do.
Those who did not know Jesus might’ve thought His response was a little too bold, but as believers we know Jesus’ reaction came out of His love for the teachers. He knew they were struggling with unbelief, and He refuted their way of thinking by proving the fact that He was the Son of Man.
He could have just left them be — left them alone in their unbelief. But He didn’t. He spoke up and made an effort to reconcile the situation.
When we encounter conflict we have two options: We can do what comes naturally to us and run away, or we can be like Jesus and face it.
We can speak the truth in love {Ephesians 4:15} with a gentle spirit {Proverbs 15:1}. We can ask God to help us resolve things with wisdom {James 1:5}. And we can cover them in prayer {Matthew 5:44-45}.
How does conflict make you feel? What would it look like for you to actually confront conflict in your day-to-day life?
I HATE conflict! My stomach ends up in knots for hours, sometimes longer. But I have learned to take it on when necessary. I recently had to talk with neighbors about something and I was wrecked. But I stayed calm and kind and in the end they thanked me for coming and talking with them. I wish I could remember to do that every time, but thankful when God gives me the courage and strength to follow Jesus way! Great post, Lauren!
I hear ya, Deb! God is definitely my strength and courage too. Have a lovely day!
What a good word, Lauren!
To speak the truth with love and compassion. What a great goal!
Hope your Monday is sweet~
Thanks Melanie! Hope the rest of your week is full of blessings!
I am a recovering people pleaser! LOL I ran from conflict by denying my own feelings and trying to please everyone else. Who lost in these scenarios? ME! It created resentment and unmet expectations. It wasn’t fair to me or to my loved ones. Only after I learned to value myself did I learn how to speak up for myself. Now every issue isn’t an opportunity for confrontation. But if after self-reflection and prayer, if the Holy Spirit leads me to confront an issue, I will follow.
Thanks for sharing part of your story with us, LaKisha! You’re so right about the Holy Spirit — it definitely guides us!
My mum always used to say to me “never let the sun go down while you are still not right with someone.” I think that’s so true. Bottling up our feelings or avoiding the conflict doesn’t help anyone. It is far better to talk things through and hear both sides of the story.
Yes! You are so right, Megan. It’s not easy and it goes against what comes naturally for many of us, but it’s so important to resolve conflict when it happens. 🙂
I am thankful that He presses in. This was convicting, Lauren. Thanks for sharing your wise insights.
So good! There is a vast difference between “being nice and being like Jesus.” I literally just finished writing a post about conflict and linked up with yours. What a great confirmation that there’s a Godly way to respond. I connected with you on #livefreeThursday. 🙂
I get bad anxiety when conflict arises. It actually makes it hard for me to breathe. I feel anxious to speak up and share the truth with the person but because the anxiety is so bad I’m speechless. My voice gets shaky and I can barely talk. Later I sort out my feelings and my words come back to me. However, even the thought of later talking to the person about the conflict, gets me all worked up again. I pray about this a lot because it makes me mad at myself when I sit back and don’t talk up.